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Changes in fandom
September 24, 2007 at 12:18 pm (Baseball, Mets, Wrigley Field, fandom)
Historically, I have been a fan of Mets minor league baseball. Last year, I was excited that we battled in the NLCS, but the game 7 loss wasn’t something I could really understand because I didn’t grow up being an avid fan and because I hadn’t watched as many games as most hardcore Met fans.
This year has been incredibly different for me. This year, I purchased Extra Innings and watched every Met’s game available and then the ones that weren’t on the network stations.
One of the biggest changes in my fandom is my intensity. What I’m finding to be most interesting is sometimes when I’m listening to announcers other than Ron, Keith and Gary, I pine for the days when I didn’t hold my breath when Sele was warming up in the bullpen, hoping he would just sit right back down. I pine for the days when the only person I could be disgusted with was Wagner – and that was just because if he gave up a save, he was the one that lost the game, not the other guys who didn’t tack on enough runs. I know logically that Conine has really good career stats as a pinch hitter, but I can’t figure out what Omar was thinking, and I get sick when he comes up to bat – even when he gets on base with a blooper. Its hard to remember getting on base and moving even just one runner over is productive.
The more I think about it, the more appalled I am at my behavior! Two years ago, when I was going to every St Lucie home game and many of the away games, I got angry with the nerve of some fans yelling obscenities at the players from the stands. Over the past few weeks, after every game, I question if I’ve become an obnoxious fan. I’ve been yelling at the tv, cussing even; I make obnoxious comments to whomever it is at bat that has been whiffing the whole game; and I am starting to forget that everyone has a bad day once in a while. I went to two Mets/Cubs game at Wrigley Field this year (my first MLB game…ever…other than a spring training game here and there). I had to be conscious of the fact that Wagner’s wife and children were sitting two rows ahead of me because I would easily started yelling “(obscenity) Wagner” without thinking about it. I have a hard time remembering now that sometimes a good hitter is going to make contact with Billy’s fast ball.
I miss being a casual MLB fan, but I’ve crossed the line into fanatacism and I don’t think I can go back. I miss the days when I could watch the Mets lose a game and not have a horrible knot in the pit of my stomach; or the days when I didn’t care how long someone was going to be out and how that would affect the chemistry of the team on the field. I plan my day around what time the game is on and I do nothing but over analyze what the team is likely to do based on the way they’ve played the last few games and who’s out. I am not sure I can watch the last week of the season, because the roller-coaster ride will be more intense than that of anything I’ve ever experienced…and I’ve even been married before.
Even though I pine for the days when I didn’t know enough to be stressed out over a loss or dislike an acquisition, I can’t go back, I’ve said that. More importantly…I don’t want to go back. I don’t want just the minor league shrine in my home, I want a METS shrine; I want to continue to light a “special” candle when the team needs a little help; I want to believe that my rituals had a part in the winning; I want to plan dinner in enough time before the game that my food is mostly digested before the second inning of every game; and I want to continue wondering each and every day how my boys are gonna do and on what day can I thank the gods for giving them the ability to be the best damn team in baseball without jinxing them. I have fallen in love with this team. I have fallen in love again with baseball. And I pray that I will never know life without the ups and downs of this team ever again!
To Cruz – Go back to before the chaos started and find the beam
September 13, 2007 at 1:53 pm (Dark Tower Series, Energy, Ka, Stephen King)
You can’t really help how your heart feels.
I think there are people we run into whom we connect with because of some way our energy feels when we are with them. Its like a string or a beam that draws us to them. We have no choice – its just the way it is. You know that feeling I’m talking about. Its like knowing that person is destined to be in your life, the moment you looked at them. Not because of his/her physical beauty, but because of some unseen force that drew you to that person. It’s Ka. You can’t ignore it.
We often try desperately to deviate from this beam because the energy bond is so great it makes us uncomfortable. This deviation causes a disturbance much like that of misaligned chakras. Then arguments ensue and each person is pushed farther away from the other. Kind of like two magnets pushing away from each other.
Mother Nature nurtures complete balance. Periodically, step back and find the balance before the beam is severed and you end up acting wierd together, changing the relationship you have and forget about the important things like loving each other.
The beam needs to be stablized. Sometimes the beam changes, as our life changes. Its not our fault we deviate, we just didn’t recognize the change because we got sidetracked. We have to learn to recognize the energy disturbance for what it is and find our way back to the beam and balance. Recognizing the imbalance in one portion of the beam is vitally important. Its easy to get upset and feel rejection because of that disturbance that is felt by both. That’s where its important to step back and fend off the lobstrocities while the other finds the path back. It must be done, like it or not, and sometimes that means sacrificing your feelings. The balance in Mother Nature is too powerful to ignore or to allow emotion to get in the way. That’s the path of the beam – the connective energy.
Work to find your way back to what’s important. You’ve come this far, you must follow the beam to the tower.
Now go read the Dark Tower Series of books by Stephen King… 
